What to change, What to Change.....

So after discussing my paper with some of my peers I have decided the areas I need to focus on before next revision are as follows: Clean up the opening and link it to the conclusion, Expand on the road trip portion of my journey with more detail, and last but not least Give the conclusion a little more bang! Overall I want to get the reader more involved in the journey so they can see what a great adventure it has become. As to what to edit is intertwined with the revisions. In my 3rd paragraph I was told the sentences don't mesh as well as they could, I am going to focus on this issue and smooth it out. Then I will go on the 4th paragraph and attempt to remove the confusion in the discussion I had with my father, possible change the descriptions given. Then to finish it up by fixing the tense issues in the 6th paragraph.